


I Can't Hold Out Forever

by sunspot (unavoidedcrisis)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, Long Time Crushes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27515596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unavoidedcrisis/pseuds/sunspot
Summary: Varric has a crush and that crush is lying on his couch, lamenting that there are no good men left in the world.
Relationships: Dorian Pavus/Varric Tethras
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22
Collections: 2020 A Paragon of Their Kind Dragon Age Dwarf Exchange





	I Can't Hold Out Forever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Viscariafields](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viscariafields/gifts).



Varric is ever the onlooker, even in his own life. The curse of being the one to tell the stories after, he figures, is that he rarely gets to be the centre of the story. He's got to linger on the edges so as not to break or be swept away in the action.

He watches as his friends get into the most hilarious scrapes, the soaring highs, the lowest of lows. He sees them married, settle down, have babies, or buy themselves a boat (Isabela…). And through it all Varric is a steady presence, a comforting shoulder to cry on, a good listener. He's used to it, happy with his status as Best Advice Giver and Most Dependable Friend.

It still stings a little sometimes, he's not gonna lie.

Dorian's gotten his heart broken for the, what, ninetieth time? No, realistically, maybe the third. But it's been a rough few years. Varric wants to reach out and comfort him with a hug, but that would open doors that Varric shut and locked years ago.

Varric loves an alarming number of things about Dorian, but chiefly it's the eagerness to trust again, love again, be open to that pain again, after someone discards him. Dorian's closed off about a lot of things, his family, his past, but his heart is still an open book. It's very hard to see him repeatedly hurt when he's the last person Varric would ever dream of hurting. Varric's crush would be ill-advised, if he'd ever told anyone who could advise him. And it's been lingering, years worth of little moments of falling and falling and falling in love with someone he can't have.

Can't because it's a terrible idea to get involved with your friends, because Varric knows where his place is, because he'd inevitably screw it up and then what a mess they'd be in.

Can't because Dorian's not remotely interested, and the notion of that uncomfortable moment, the tight, sad smile he'd give Varric while painfully, politely letting him down gently is enough to make Varric physically shudder.

"Why do I keep getting involved?" Dorian asks him, lounging on the couch in Varric's studying. He showed up a few hours ago and doesn't seem to be leaving any time soon. Not that Varric minds; he's always got one friend or another showing up to crash with him for a few days. Dorian could stay for a week or a month or the rest of his life.

"Because," Varric replies instead of saying something they'll both hate. "You love love."

"I do," Dorian says, chagrined. "Stupid."

"It's not," Varric, the perpetual bachelor, insists as if he knows. "You just need a higher calibre of man."

"Do you truly know everything, Varric? You've been telling me that for years, why do I not listen?" He sits up and turns to look at Varric.

"Because you like the feel of the wrong kind of guy. The motorcycles and the white tigers on gold chains." Varric knows the type well, has seen Dorian on various arms. And he hates all of them on principle. It helps that they're easy to hate.

Dorian snorts. "I have never and would never date a man with a tiger."

"You know what I meant."

"Well, I suppose I know the type." He flings himself back onto the couch. "I'm going to be alone forever."

"You won't. You're too lovable for that. But maybe a few months will clear your head?" Varric wonders if he tipped his hand, but Dorian just sighs again, long suffering.

"Maybe you're right."

Varric all but forgets giving the advice until a few months later, when Dorian shows up at Varric's door again, a little later at night than is probably proper for calling on a friend. He carries an overfull plastic bag.

"I owe you a debt of thanks," he says when Varric answers the door.

Varric nods. This was true of most of his friends. "Do we know anyone who doesn't?"

"Ha ha, you're so droll. Come, eat. I brought your favourite."

Dorian putters around Varric's tiny kitchen, getting down a pair of plates and wine glasses. He did indeed bring Varric's favourite Rivani takeaway and a bottle of Cabernet.

"You told me to be on my own for a while. To help me get my head on straight before I got my heart broken all over again."

Varric nods; that sounds like something he would say.

"I wanted to thank you."

"Food is a good thank you," Varric says around a mouthful of said food.

"I've seen a lot of things more clearly recently. I think I understand where I've been going wrong with men, the way I've been looking for love."

"Oh? Do tell."

"Oh, no, you don't want a dramatic retelling of me spending how many months in lonely, albeit refreshing, contemplation. I'll just summarize. I've been looking for the wrong thing. I thought I wanted love, and I do, of course I do, but I realized I need something else first." Dorian talks animatedly while he eats, waving his fork. Varric finds it adorable.

This is a date, Varric realizes belatedly. They're eating food, drinking wine, talking about feelings and love. Hell, the lights are even on low. His heart rate speeds up with just the thought, but he wills himself placid again. Of course it's not a date, Dorian's here to tell him about his plan to finally find the right kind of man and settle down.

"I need to be friends with someone before I date them, I think. I think that's the element I've been missing."

Varric's heart lurches. Of course he'd say something like that.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Sure, I think it makes a ton of sense. Good for you," Varric says, praying his voice stays even.

"You know, I have a friend that fits the bill, checks all the boxes, so to speak. Smart, sharp, kind, handsome…" Dorian goes on. He sets his wine down and gets very serious.

Varric can hear his blood rushing in his ears. "Dorian, I --" He stops, unable, unsure how to go further. He knows in his books, this is part where he confesses everything, his years-long crush, how he just wants to be with Dorian, all the things he was too emotionally constipated to say.

"So, I'm going to date Lavellan. What do you think?"

"Oh. Yeah, of course, I mean," Varric says, knowing he's stammering and not being able to stop.

Dorian slaps his hand to his forehead. "Varric, really? I'm joking. There's no one like you."

Varric chokes on air. "You're an asshole."

"Date me anyway?"

Varric wads up a napkin and throws it at Dorian's head. "Well, life is not like in the romance books, is it?"

"Decidedly not. Although, I still like reading yours."

"That's a prerequisite to date me, yes. Terrible first drafts, too."

Dorian smiles, soft, indulgent. Varric's heart sings in his chest. "I would expect nothing less."

"I keep odd hours."

"Varric, I know. We've been friends for eight years. I know you keep odd hours, and I know you get working and forget to eat, you like the colour red, and you're ticklish but you hate it, and that you're the most incredibly kind person I've ever met. I've learned all those things and everything else in the last eight years, and I know now that I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. Strong positive feelings."

Seeing the sum of everything he's wanted for the better part of the last decade within easy grasp is… unsettling? Like it's a prank and if he reaches for it, hell get stung or worse.

"'Strong positive feelings?' Those are some heavy words."

"I meant them."

"I know." If there wasn't a table full of plates between them, Varric would lean over and kiss him. The thought of standing, moving around the table, and then negotiating the actual movements of the kissing seemed… insurmountable.

Luckily for Varric, Dorian does it for him.

It's awkward, because it's a first kiss and those are never like they are in the romance books, and because Dorian's a lot taller than Varric is, especially when Varric's sitting down. He bends down and takes Varric's face in his hands, planting a firm, no-nonsense kiss on his mouth, as if he's making it official.

"It's official," Dorian says.

Varric bites back a laugh. "Okay, okay." He knows when he's beat, and that was the second Dorian suggested that 'he had a friend.'

Dorian kisses him again, presumably for good measure, and this time Varric's got enough wherewithal to kiss back. It goes on for a bit longer than it should, and with a bit more tongue than a second kiss usually warrants, but it's so, so good.

"Glad we got it all settled, in the end," Dorian says, slightly breathless. "I have a charitable benefit for work at seven pm on Friday. I'll pick you up at six-thirty? Black tie, I'm afraid."

"You're telling me I have to wait until Friday to see you again _and_ I'll have to button my shirt up?"

Dorian chuckles. "Horror of horrors. But I suppose I could come back tomorrow night?"

"It's a date," Varric says, heart singing in his chest when Dorian only has eyes for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Dwarf Exchange <3


End file.
